Nothing Special

Ok, I must admit, even I was suckered into the whole Spank Rock thing. I, whom for years tried to claim some form of status through hip hop snobbery, fell for the tricks and flashy ways of these dirty pseudo-Bmore beats. Perhaps it was their attempts to incorporate an electroish sound, perhaps, I just wanted to dance; who knows? Suffice to say that, at the very least, I have been quite excited about seeing the fabled Spank Rock perform for quite some time now. So granted, the Apple store in mid-town Manhattan is no real club, and for sure, free shows don't always prompt the best performances, but GOD DAMN, that was a real flaky show. I'll try to leave aside the uncontrollable factors--the hipster scummery, the faulty equipment, the tight quarters--but criticism is needed. I mean, I hate to say it, but the performance sucked.

First off, XXXChange, what's the deal man? I mean, as a DJ, and not even a very good one at that, I was kind of upset with some of the sloppy mixing and predictable choice of music. Stopping for 20 seconds because you fuck up, or dropping out the volume for a moment or two by accident, is no fun. I mean, of all places, it wasn't as if this was a high pressure show--there are no excuses for those kind of mistakes. Oh, and playing catchy Bmore stuff, that everyone's heard a million times, does not make up for a sloppy performance.

Next, Mr. Naeem Juwan, let me make this real clear---being a class A hipster, talking about vagina's and penises, and shaking your ass, does not make you a good MC. Do yourself a favor, go back, and watch all those late 70's, early 80's hip hop movies where all the hipsters steal their style from, and watch how a real MC rocks a show. I'll give you some hints, first: when you spit, do the whole verse, don't just start in the middle, or stop for that matter, and definitely don't just let Amanda Blank say your lines. Oh, try rapping over instrumentals rather than vocal edits, it kind of gives you the illusion of talent. Lastly, throwing water in a store full of computers, iPhone and iPods probably isn't the best idea.

I'm sorry if I sound like a complete hater right now, but I am REAL disappointed, and I've heard no real criticism of this group. So, Spank Rock, please get your act together.

Sincerely,

(speakeasy)